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All of them, read at your own risk!
Some are WEIRD
Some are ODD
Some just plain shouldn't be here......
BUT, here they are:

"Hello World"

- John Hawley

for no better reason

"it'd be kinda fun not to tell, hehehehe"

- Saffy


"argg it's never been this slow"

- molly

wondering why the internet is so slow

"when you're young life is perfect,
when you're in love life is perfect,
when you're dead life is perfect.
so at anyone one point in your life you need to be either young,
in love or dead, and you'll never be unhappy

- Molly

"Late Fragment

  And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

- Raymond Carver


- John Hawley

Tada hehehehehehe

"Who needs high tech weaponry? All you need is a good guy with a laser emitter and an army of geeks to build a nuke!"

- Benjamin Moehlmann

In reference to Terrans Vs. the Protoss in Starcraft

"Just wait until the romance dies and then see what she calls you!"

- Erik Lee

"If more Chick Flicks had exorcisms in them, guys would object less to them."

- Brian DeSmet

Chik Fliks

"I had turned my players into a bunch of heartless pricks (and prickettes), who had gotten to the point that they probably would have firebombed a puppy farm for the right price."

- Game Master

Evil Player Characters

"I believe I've sent my PC's on a grand total of maybe two runs which have involved coming into contact with an actual dragon, usually in the form of runners getting stuck in the wilderness and wandering a bit too close to a cave containing one of the highly territorial beasts. And during the grand total of two runs involving such creatures, the runners have responded to the dragon's presence by launching an attack on it, or it's dwelling, with a degree of ferocity that would be better suited for an assault on a small European Commonwealth. On both occasions the dragon was simply talking a nap."

- Game Master

Player Characters and Dragons

"Some players are so on edge that their reaction to anything - scary people, large creatures, sunspots, etc - involves the use of large caliver weapons."

- Game Master

Nervous Player Characters

"She's not telling anyone so that she doesn't miss out on any of the other attractions."

- Alina

Comdex 2002 and the the plight of Women over Chicago style pizza

"I'm going to let that slide because of the language thing... we'll let that slide too."

- Ben Sherman

Comdex 2002 over a Chicago Style pizza

"Brian you don't have rants, you have a rant mode. It's flipped by a bit either a 1 or a 0. You have a Rant Bit, it's bit 7 between security and time to live!"

- Bob Arens

Brian DeSmet's Rants

"Did Brian bring his Valium?"

- Pattie Ridden

While Brian DeSmet was ranting

"Mental Nookie? So you would be getting Mookie?"

- Bob Arens

Bob being drunk or the closest thing to it...

"He was bitter, like an Englishman. But he was funny."

- Brian DeSmet

Brian referring to Popa


- Brian DeSmet

Brian pulling a fork out of his bag for no apparent reason but to eat up his cake. (Comdex 2002)

"Why aren't we playing with his [Jason Austgen] joystick?"

- Brian DeSmet

He wasn't even drunk... far from it... (Comdex 2002)

"That coming from you [Brian DeSmet] is about like an oral bowel movement!"

- Bob Arens

Let the insanity reign

"He's [Brian DeSmet] the Nina Palm...
is it some sort of masterbation technique?"

- Jeff Press

(Comdex 2002)

"Jeff Press: Shouldn't we close the window?
John Hawley: Come on who's going to break into our room through the window... We are on the 5th floor!
Jeff Press: Duh! NINJAS!"

- Jeff Press

(Comdex 2002)

"I want to marry an engineer!
He can do all the hardware,
and I can do all the software!

- Joan Vera

Taken with a small sexual overtone...

"I want to play with your brain! I want to kill the mice in your brain!"

- Isabela Severson

Refering to my PDA and my rat splat game

"Do not lick the programmers"

- Joan Severson

"She sounds like a fine wine:
Is a Classic, well aged, and full bodied"

- Joan Severson

In reference to one of Ben's female attractions.

"Squishy brains are like everlasting gobstopers for zombies"

- Bob Arens

"I'm always nice to the people wrking drive through, you never kow when they are packing heat"

- Molly Taylor

"Look it's holy shit!"

- Chealseism

While pointing at a "God Loves You" sign covered in bird poop

"I'm flat AND easy"

- Bekah

"Dude spinning motors went out with Y2K"

- Brian (SC U. of Ill)


- Jason Austgen

"The greatest thing you can ever learn, is just to love, and be loved... in return."

- Moulan Rouge

"You're the one who married him!"

- Benjamin Sherman

"It made me happy"

- Ben Sherman

In reference to Life

"We need a Geek Safe zone!"

- Henrey Olsen

"It will only take a week to do..."

- Joan Severson

Thinking back to the beginning of the John Deere project after working on it for 2 months...

"Relationships are just like computers:
As soon as you get married females always try and reformat their men and install a new OS on them."

- Acm Meeting

An ACM meeting where you know we have been staring at a computer screen too much

"The clouds may float across the sky
The bee may kiss the butterfly
The sparkling wine may kiss the glass
And you my friend...


- Patrick Sledge

"Can't Fly...

Must Die

- Patrick Sledge

"John Hawley: "Sean these two beautiful women want to have your children!"
Sean Lento: "I'M COOKING"

- Sean Lento

Sean was cooking dinner, while John, Bekah and Annie were talking in Ben's room...

"Wait, John, don't light that ye..."

- Jeff Smith

Trying (unsuccessfully) to prevent an explosion

"So that's why you're not supposed to jump with a pack..."

- Patrick Sledge

After demonstrating the point, ending up with 3 parallel gashes on the forearm.

"I hate you with a passion
I love you with a vengeance

- Bekah

"I can do it with popcorn, but not with a brain"

- Bekah

With a squishy brain on her nose and trying to eat popcorn

"Sometimes when I'm bored, I just whip it out and beat it."

- Sean's Friend

Super Mario Brothers II


- Ben Sherman

Ben, Bekah, Molly, Annie and John form an elitist group...

"I wanted to go home, put on my cape, and sit by the window and pine."

- Jenni

Jenni after seeing _Vampire_Princess_Muyo_

"All I ask is good reception when I'm at a bar, so I can make half-drunken phone calls to ex-girlfriends. Is that so much to ask?"

- Wonko

Wonko on cell phone coverage

"I'm not your mother, I don't have to love or like you."

- Heather H.

Heather H. to summer camp kids

"We were freshmen, we didn't know how to interact, so we kicked each other in the balls. "

Michael Z. and Joe R.

"I am really not cool with Velma showing clevage."

- Brian De Smet

"Face it Brian, if a psycholgist got ahold of you, they would stab you."

- Michael Z.

"That preview came close to turning me on."

- Keane L.

Keane L. about Two Towers

"Never trust Unix sysadmin who doesn't have any sysadmin friends."

- Gus Harmann

"> The real problem with biodata is that it is basicly a key system
> with unrevokable keys.

They're revokable, just not pleasantly so.

- Chuck McKenzie

"Aquaintances are people you know and don't hate. "

- Adam N.

"Never trust a man posting financial numbers at midnight."

- Alan D.

"Apparently, I haven't had enough crack today. "

"Ok, what am I missing about how to open a door. "

- Jenno S

"I am a writer. I give the truth scope. "

Geoffrey Chaucer from _A Knight's Tale_.

"Kissing up is a way of life. Not just something you do when you want."

"Carrots. Carrots? I didn't even eat carrots. "

Milo from the movie Atlantis.

"Brian D.: It's a cartoon ass guys. Adam N.: Yeah. That means it's perfect."

"Just remember: family is like the appendix. Most people are born with one. Some people live their entire lives with one. Some people have it removed voluntarily at the earliest opportunity. A few unfortunates have it explode and kill them. "

- Gus H.

"But having a happy birthday isn't goth! If you want a goth birthday everyone has to forget it, no one buys you a present and you end up in your room, by yourself with a cupcake you make yourself with a candle in it, wearing a paper hat and softly singing 'happy bithday to me' while sobbing."

- Dead Little Joey

"Dude, I am a vegetarian too. I just prefer my vegetables to have passed through a cow first."

- Bob Arens

"Jason A: Are you going to eat those? Ben S.: I'm going to try."

Starring at a plate of pancakes after polishing off a large omelet

"Mental nookie is worthless."

- Jeff Press

"Brian D: I am not a frightning man.
Jeff P: Not when you are in the other bed."

"I am tempted to suck the liqueur out of my pants."

- Brian De Smet

Brian D. after a Skyy Blue was spilt on him

"To the booger in your right nostril."

A toast between from Bob A. to Jason A.

"Did we count these?"

- John Hawley

Talking about a 50 Peice Chicken McNuggets meal

"Never ask a geek why, just nod your head and slowly back away. "

- Rob Malda

"Dreams do not vanish, so long as people do not abandon them."

- Phantom F. Harlock

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and and still likes you."

- Elbert Hubbard

"There is no such thing as happiness, just lesser shades of melancholy. "

"Never could an increase of comfort or security be a sufficient good to be bought at the price of liberty."

- Hillaire Belloc

"The Relationship between voltage and current: resistors This is a long and interesting story. It is the heart of electronics. Crudely speaking, the name of the game is to make and use gadgets that have interesting and useful I-versus-V characteristics. "

Horowitz and Hill _The_Art_of_Electronics_2nd_ed._

"By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me."

- Oscar Wilde

"I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem."

- Oscar Wilde

"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it."

- Oscar Wilde

"Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction."

- Oscar Wilde

"Note that if I can get you to "su and say" something just by asking, you have a very serious security problem on your system and you should look into it."

Paul Vixie, vixie-cron 3.0.1 installation notes

"Hey, I discovered a most amazing fact today: Lightbulbs fit down my garbage disposer!!!! Oh, the glee!"

- Pete K.

"You can never be more than you have created in your dreams."

- Pogien

"Failure: When your best just wasn't good enough"

"Do you trust math? No! You never trust math except in extreme circumstances."

- Prof. T. Herman

professer T. Herman discussing the need to actually implement what is shown in math

"Nothing wrong with procreation if it's creative."

- Prof. Baron

Psycholgy Professor Robert Baron

"A day without sunshine is like night. "

"Carpe GM: Seize the Game Master."

"Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think."

"Friends are the people who can call you at four in the morning. Good friends are the ones that can ask for help burying a body."

"Go not unto the Usenet for advice, for you will be told both yea and nay (and quite a few things that just have nothing at all to do with the question)."

"A neurotic is the man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent."

- Jerome Lawrence

"It's too bad that even an idiot pedestrian has the right of way. "

- Jessica

"If I painted my turtle black, would it be spooky?"

Jhonen Vasquez, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

"Don't lick propane! "

- Joe Rheaume

Joe Rheaume, talking to a dog.

"I still like to play with you guys; I just don't think you should make explosives in the hallway."

Joey, to Jake and Brian D. one morning

"There's a very good reason why what you do is called 'trouble-shooting'. They cause you troubles, and you want to shoot them."

- Midnight

"Gelatinous goo is sooo much more fun when it's all over the place."

- Mike Hamilton

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner."

Nicole's grandpa from Quotes 'R' Us

"I feel like a 486 that's been running win3.11 for 12 days straight without a reboot."

- oddlystrange

"I'd like to die like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep - Not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense."

"What I do today is important because I am paying a day of my life for it. What I accomplish must be worthwhile because the price is high."

"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."

"Surreality is fine, but not before breakfast."

- Wendolen

"When life's got you down, just make stupid noises."

- Alexie Sayles

"Kindness is loving people more than they deserve."

- Joseph Joubert

"Absolutely nothing should be concluded from these figures except that no conclusion can be drawn from them."

Joseph L. Brothers, Linux/PowerPC Project

"Everybody has a right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege. attribution Joseph Stalin"

"My mom used to say raindrops were angel tears. Then I guess acid rain would have to be radioactive tears from mutant-angels. That answers the age-old question, 'Do mutant-angels cry radioactive tears?'"

Kamas from Quotes 'R' Us

"If I hammered a three-way plug adapter into my skull and plugged my head into a wall-socket I'd certainly be getting a lot more intellectual stimulation than I'm getting now."

- Kara Bunting

"I'm happy for the cheeseball."

- Kitty

"Fear my sober-fu"

- Katie M.

said to a drunk friend

"why would you want to own /dev/null? "ooo! ooo! look! i stole nothing! i'm the thief of nihilism! i'm the new god of zen monks."

- Kevin Lyda

"But this *long run* is a misleading guide to current affairs. *In the long run,* we are all dead. "

- Keynes

"Love your country, but never trust its government."

- Robert A. Heinlein

"Sometimes I look around at reality and say, 'I really don't want to be a part of this.'"

Derek from Quotes 'R' Us

"First things first, but not necessarily in that order."

- Doctor Who

"UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things."

- Doug Gwyn

"you've been given a chance to muck it up in a new and original way"

Red Dwarf

"Reality is frequently inaccurate."

- Douglas Adams

"And this is where things get a little confusing"

- Rimmer

Red Dwarf: The episode where there are 3 different time lines colliding and there are suddenly 3 of each character in Listers & Rimmers room

"Moderation in all things, including moderation."

- Larry S.

"And I don't like doing silly things (except on purpose)."

- Larry Wall

"Perl itself is usually pretty good about telling you what you shouldn't do. :-)"

- Larry Wall

"By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since sliced bread."

- Olaf Kirch

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

- Benjamin Franklin

Historical Review of Pennsylvania

"Well, it I thought for an instant that there was a hell, I might agree. But I think that satan is too busy poking the easterbunny with his pitchfork to care about me. "

- Brian Anderson

"But where's the game balance?"

- Brian D.

referring to an unbalanced Let's Kill card

"Elijah: Who's pathetic? Ben: Joe for gawking at a 12-polygon ass."

"I would never encourage the moral degredation of my friends "

- Brian D.

"Besides, I think Slackware sounds better than 'Microsoft,' don't you? "

- Patrick Volkerding

"I found that the Rubiks cube and Linux are alike. Looks real confusing until you read the right book. :-)"

"Reality is for people who lack imagination."

"The first step to better times is to imagine them"

"Getting a SCSI chain working is perfectly simple if you remember that there must be exactly three terminations: one on one end of the cable, one on the far end, and the goat, terminated over the SCSI chain with a silver-handled knife whilst burning *black* candles."

- Anthony DeBoer

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."

- Antoine de Saint-Exu

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives."

- A. Sachs

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."

- Philip K. Dick

"I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere."

"Let me write this out. It's going to be a long list cause it's infinite."

Proffessor A. Fleck

"Every once in a while, it's a good idea to call out 'Computer, end program,' just to check."

- Dave Noelle

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."

- Franklin P. Jones

"elutfall asks: Since, as we all know, cheese is the most powerful substance in the universe, I was wondering what your favorite source of ultimate power is?
ESR answers: That would have to be sex, because I'm allergic to cheese.

from an interview w/ ESR on slashdot

"Safety Tip: Never use a blowtorch to clean your CDs, it may be hazardous to your health and well being. Doing so will also void the warraty."

from the 11th Hour instruction manual (under Caring for your CDs)

"Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?" "It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?"

- MacNelley, "Shoe"

"Hey isn't this the big computer toss.....

ISN'T THAT MY MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Prof From U of I.

In the middle of the ACM computer toss...

"Hey can I have my computer back by the end of the day.... and can you try and make sure it works?"

Said during the ACM Computer toss

"If you're going to have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones."

- Marcus Cole

Babylon 5

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."

- Mark Twain

"The day I stop laughing and being able to smile, is the day life is no longer worth living for"

- John Hawley

"What you end up with, after running an operating system concept through these many marketing coffee filters, is something not unlike plain hot water"

- Matt Welsh

"...Deep Hack Mode--that mysterious and frightening state of consciousness where Mortal Users fear to tread."

- Matt Welsh

"[In 'Doctor' mode], I spent a good ten minutes telling Emacs what I thought of it. The response was, 'Perhaps you could try to be less abusive.'"

- Matt Welsh

"Even more amazing was the realization that God has Internet access. I wonder if He has a full newsfeed?"

- Matt Welsh

"Lord, today please give me the strength to change the things I can change, the ability to accept the things I can't change, and the sensibility and insight to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill because they pissed me off. Amen."

The Lighthouse Keeper

"I'd like to change your mind by hitting it with a rock."

- They Might Be Giants

"Calm down. It's only ones and zeros."

This message brought to you by the Network

"John, your even more paranoid than me!"

- Brian De Smet

Walking around Chicago with a Camera at night, taking pictures of pretty buildings

"I am here not so much to teach, but to transform"

Tim Wehr (adjunct prof at UI)

"You sir have just crossed my happy line...."

- Timmie

"PROGRAM {PRO-gram} [n] A magic spell cast over a computer which allows it to turn one's input into error messages; [v] to engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward."

"To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion."

"The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity-- the rest is overhead for the operating system."

"The ones we call crazy for trying to change the world are the ones that do."

"The line between genious and insanity is often crossed"

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

- Steven Wright

"Who wouldn't be enthusiastic about a chicken leg. "

- Brian De Smet

Talking abou thot wings.

"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

- Chyle

"I have never ONCE claimed sanity on my IRS tax forms!"

- John Hawley

"In the depths of my heart, I can't help being convinced that my fellow men, with a few exceptions, are worthless."

- Sigmund Freud

"People are fundamentally stupid, everyone including myself. Man merely has moments of genious where he makes sense for mere seconds. Once you understand this concept every action taken by every person around the world actually starts to make sense........"

- John Hawley

"Don't be part of the problem, be the problem!"

- Sara Giddings

"No Shoes No Shirt Please Use Drive Thru"

Seen on a Hardee's door

"More and more criminals are using the internet."

Insight from CNN

"> I'm not so sure I want my underwear to be 700. Maybe 740 or something.
> Maybe I'm just reading it wrong.
> As ong as the sticky bit isn't set, I guess it's all good.

I'd think you would want the group execuite bit set. I mean, reading
is all well and good for playboy but if others in your group can't get
it to run, what good is it?

From an e-mail conversation concerning what file permissions (unix) should peoples undergarments be...

"Life doesn't throw me curve balls. It just hits me with the bat."

"Human Cloning. Bad Idea. There are too many humans already and I don't like most of them."

- Michael Moore

"I see dumb people, they are everywhere..... and they don't even know they are dumb!"

"John: What should I do when my life is going down the drain?
Molly-ism: Get a roto-rooter.

- Molly-ism

John asked me a bunch of questions

"John: What is there to live for anymore?
Molly-ism: Nachos.... and sometimes bean-bag chairs

- Molly-ism

John asked me another question

""Tomorrow is another day, and has more opportunities for strawberry cheesecake.""

- Molly

In the zen state that is Molly-ism

"There should be more references to me and my greatness"

- Molly

Complaining about the lack of quotes

""Never take chess advice from a talking purple dinosaur""

- Sean


"I'm going to KFA. I'm going to KFA. I'm going to KFA. I'm going to KFA. I'm going to KFA. I'm going to KFA."

- Saffy

guess what!

"I want Barney Ballon! I want Barney ballon if you don't get me one you don't love me any more."

- Samantha Jeffrey

I saw a man selling them so i asked Patrick(My fiance) for one.

"Hey now and Alright you!"

- Patrick Sledge

Because Samantha was being naught.

"John: patrick may live
Samantha: oh?
John: for not buying a barney baloon
Samantha: lol
John: I mean come ON
Samantha: hey he's so cute though
John: BARNEY = CUTE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
John: that is a false statement
Samantha: but he is.
John: no
John: negative
John: nada
John: zip
John: zilch
John: barney is not cute
John: he is the spawn of the devil and satan
John: and should be shot
John: repeatedly
John: with elephant guns

- John and Sam.

Because he doesn't like Barney!

"wooooo, cooool"

- Saffy

"But what...is it good for?"

Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

- Popular Mechanics


"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of DEC

"Hey, I know this! This is Unix!"

- Jurassic Park

"It ain't easy being green"

- Kermit the Frog

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of throughly useless information."

- Calvin

Calvin and Hobbes

"Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless."

"SOFTWARE, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts."

The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies

"Reach out and grep someone."

- Bell Labs Unix

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

- Thomas Watson

IBM Chairman, 1943


- Nero Wolf

From the Nero Wolf TV show (his form of cussing)

"Where's my moose?"

- Gir

Invader Zim

"Oh my goosh!"

- Saffy

"At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer."

"If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants."

- Albert Einstein

"Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers."

- Ray Simard

"Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked."

# The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies

"The world is coming to an end. Please log off."

Posix 2.1.1 System Shutdown Message

"BUG, n.: An undesirable, poorly-understood undocumented feature."

The Devil's Dictionary to Computer Studies

"Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations."

Murphy's Law of Line Printers

"I have monkey music in my purse."

- Kitty

"I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on tape somewhere."

"Linux is not portable."

- Linus Torvalds

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."

- H.G. Wells

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

- Sir Winston Churchil

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."

- Galileo Galilei

"I worry far too much as it is to worry about such things"

- John Hawley

In a flash of genious..

"I'll moider da bum."

Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."

- Yoda

'The Empire Strikes Back'

"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense."

- Edsgar Dijkstra

"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg."

- Bjarne Stroustrup

"But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."

- Andrew Marvell

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."

- Plato

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."

- George Bernard Shaw

"Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."

- H. G. Wells

"If you are going through hell, keep going."

- Sir Winston Churchil

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."

- Frank Lloyd Wright

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

- Voltaire

"Facts are the enemy of truth."

- Don Quixote

"Man of La Mancha"

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

- Thomas Alva Edison

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

- Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."

- Steven Wright

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."

- James Branch Cabell

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."

- Umberto Eco

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."

- Samuel Johnson

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

- Frank Zappa

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

- Isaac Asimov

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

- Isaac Asimov

"I have no idea what to say - but i want to see my name up there so here goes nothing... did you all know that Emu's and Kangaroo's are the only Australian animals that cannot walk backwards...."

- erikalee

why not!

"Are these (the ADA) the people that made it so that there is Brail on Drive up ATM machines?"

Seen on Slashdot.org

"I'm sympathize"

- Molly

because she was really tired

"Our fathers were our models for God. If they bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you."

- Tyler



It was on my toothbrush package.... and it amuses me because my mind perminantly resides in the gutter.

"NT stands for Nice Try!!"

- Steve

During training

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

- Monty Pythons

"The giant teddy bear is trying to rape me!"

- Molly

Talking about how John (Molly's older brother) is over protective... and Sean finding a way...

"It can zoom and it goes BOOM!!!!!!"

- John

Playing mindless video games

""It's like having cockroaches on your tongue.""

- Stupid Guy

Because he's stupid, and annoying and I wish he'd slip on an artichoke - Molly

"(imagine written in super sloppy handwriting) "fusion occurs, fussion happens" (great to know eh?)"

- Saffy wrote it

she stayed up too late chatting (with guess who :-P ), got up too early, and tried to take notes in astronomy while falling asleep.

"Have bits ....will travel"

- Dean at Devry

not sure

"Evil triumphed because good was dumb."

"How to be instantly successful, in 2 million long and painful steps"

- John Hawley

While getting some white grape juice and a cookie... This would make a GREAT book title (I claim rights on it!)

"(warthog9) I've had more intellectually stimulating conversations with noh9 [Noh9 is an eggdrop IRC bot]
(warthog9) !seen bookman
(Noh9) warthog9, bookman (none@SSMarie-ppp54815.sympatico.ca) was last seen quitting #bahai 3 hours 47 minutes ago (20.10. 18:44) stating "Quit: Finagels Law: The perversity of the universe, tends towards the maximum" after spending 30 minutes there.
(warthog9) see ;-)

- warthog9

Ranting about the stupidity that is amongst us

"MormonGuy: I don't think so... they never say anything about kissing
MormonGuy: brb
MormonGuy: back
MomonGuy's non Mormon Girlfriend: ok
MormonGuy: turns out that they do say something about kissing
MG- Girlfriend: uh huh... even i could have told you

- Mormon person

Talking about kissin'

"it is said that "life is like a book and if you have not traveled you've only read one page" and I tend to fall asleep while reading. hmmmmmmmmmm "

- Saffy

just making another profound analogy ;-)

"Hrm... I tend to fall asleep when I travel, I guess that says a lot about my life."

- Molly

In response to the above

"You can't just stand by the skull thing and try to shoot people when they come up. If you do that, I'll just waste you."

- Liquid

Giving Quake 3 advice at the ACM Lan Party

""Is that a curse?" "No, it's a penguin""

- People

Spanish class

"I want you to have the super powers I want you to have, NOT the ones you have. When I want you to climb up a wall like spiderman you climb up a wall like spiderman!"

- Molly

""We're on the seats of our edges""

- painting student

she hadn't gotten any sleep for almost two days, and was watching Carol demonstrate how to mat.

""The rock is not Moses, it just can't ... *boom* part the water around it!""

- Physics Teacher

some physics related thingy probably a lecture

""Alright well I want you to bend that light post with your mind! HA!" - John
"... Give me a sec..." - Molly

- Molly & John

*in context with the spiderman quote above

"Whenever you create a new peice of software or a new concept in doing something always create a completely new set of terminology so as to invalidate common use of the english language or any previous meaning to the words used so to confuse the end user"

- Prof. Jones

University of Iowa, Adv. Operating Systems Course

"*The ninja hamsters are coming! They want my green jell-o!*"

- Molly

Some of the best adive to give when you really don't want to talk to someone...

"When your name is the ONLY name on a phone roster thats highlighted, AND your the computer tech. Run. Run away quickly, you have been marked and only a sys admin can truely understand the agony you are about to face."

- John Hawley

Advice to Sean

"If we have to be Prez & VP again, I demand more minions!"

- John Hawley

ACM Meeting, after elections

"There are days I wake up and the world seems EVER so slightly more enlightened and saner, more polite and accepting.... a STEP closer to eutopia

However by the time I go to bed, it's reminded me it's not a step closer, but a step further away"

- John Hawley

"John: It doesn't have a license plate, some cop will probably pull it over....
Bob: WHO'S going to pull it over, it's the FREAKING Weinermobile!!!!!"

- Bob Arens

In reference to staring at Weinermobile pictures

"There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"This here is my comic. Is it not nifty? Worship the comic. "

Seen on Sluggy Freelance (http://www.sluggy.com)

"This is the one ring:

One Ring to love them, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in their beauty marry them.

- John Hawley

A Tribute to Molly & Matt

"If its the small things that make you smile, make you cozy and warm and comfortable at night... whats the true point of more bigger better things?"

- John Hawley

Erika and I talking about Christmas gifts

"(22:47:56) Bob: I am currently experiencing an altered state of consciousness.
(22:49:30) Brian: Is it a nice one?
(22:51:01) Bob: It's odd. Not the sort of delicate cuisine versus animal meat pies - it's something a little more on the black and white, struggle against anstiseptic thought.

- Bob Arens

Bob and Brian talking about sleeping pills. Note the time of day

"It's almost like car porn"

- Bill Lynch

Ben, Bill and John were watching Fast and the Furious

"I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining.
I believe in love, even when there's no one there.
And I believe in God, yes I believe in God, even when He is silent."

poem written on an underground hiding place during WW2

"God has put me into this world to accomplish certain things. I am so far behind that I will never die."

- Calvin and Hobbes

"Now just suppose that the "junk DNA" in the human genome is the documentation package for the machine code. Who wrote that manual?"

Seen on Slashdot

"I'm a Coke addict"

- Ben S.

in refference to the fizzy soda beverage

"I have a cat who licks nipples"

- S. "Revi" S.

Over dinner in Chicago

"Jing, be like the beaver nature's little engineer"

- S. "Revi" S.

"How do you get a baby grand piano onto the 4th floor of a New York apartment?"

- John Hawley

"It's good to be home, if only for a time"

- John Hawley

"John never 6 years again"

- Karl Sirois

"Only in New York do elevators not only have a normal sliding door but a front door as well"

- John Hawley

"I Love New York!"

- Ben S.

"Shoplifters will be stabbed, beaten and mained.

Surviors will be prosecuted"

Seen at the U.S.S. Constitution in Boston

"Yeah today people walked all over me!"

- Molly

summary of what happened in acting class

"And, of course, if the pundits have their way, we'll all be programming in some kind of XML based programming language where we'll be writing
for i := 1 to 10 do A[i] = 0;
<statement type="assignment">
     <variable type="simple">i</variable>
               <constant type="decimal">10

Completion of the above is left as an exercise for the reader. [if it takes that much to just assign I it's not pretty]"

- Prof. Jones

IS there an end to insanity

"Never play leap frog with a unicorn"

""Band, Attention!" - A usually futile phrase called out at the top of the lungs in an attempt to awaken the band members "

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language


- Molly

in response to the above

""Band, Horns Up!" - Another usually futile phrase called out at the top of the lungs; a rough translation has been made to mean "We're starting and everyone who is not awake we're walking over."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Baton - A long piece of metal, thrown and hypothetically caught; if used incorrectly in an enclosed area can lead to injury of trombone players."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Bus Trip - The cheapest and therefore only way to take a marching band to Florida. This can be taken as a way to spend quality time with friends, catching up on sleep (usually in the aisle, unless Ben Paul is on your bus, or a method of torture in which they force the occupants to watch up to three Adam Sandler movies in a row."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Clarinet - Little is known about this instrument, because eventhough they are large in number no one has ever heard them. "

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Chicken - The green feathers that adorn the helmet of the marching band uniform, which constantly molt and attempt to fly away at competitions."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Dove - The white feathers of the drum majors outfits."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Drill - Excluding the very few and privileged this remains an illegible group of numbers and symbols. "

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Drum Line - 1) A group consisting of multiple types of drums and a few random cymbals. Sadly this group is the leading cause of deafness at a young age. 2) Marching is one of the rare occasions that the band actually sees this wild and illusive group."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Drum Majors - 1) The ones in charge of most of the band activities, which include marching, music and conducting. 2) a.k.a. Mini- Dictators"

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Flat, To be - Not having enough pixy sticks; easily remidied by not playing."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Florida Trip - In exchange for approximately 2 hours, collectively, of sweating and dehydration in polyester marching band uniforms in the southern heat and a long trip on a bus, a fairly unregulated trip to Orlando Florida is given to the deserving students."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Flute - A long peice of metal held paralled to the ground at all times while marching. This group, while very large, is unheard in the performances (due to the brass) and leads many to believe them to be used for decorative purposes only. Due to the lack of interest in the group their thoughts and actions often turn towards mutiny."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Headrests - Used to recline the head on during long bus trips to Florida. To some unknowing and bored students hoping to make the trip shorter they make a game out of constantly removing the headrests from the metal poles, though the headrests are comfortable, the metal poles can cause injury and an even longer bus trip."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Heck Week - The marching band equivalent of boot camp, a very easy boot camp."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Meads, The - The "leaders" of the marching band. They have given themselves dictatorship over the band by telling the badn what and what not to eat and other such actions. Most recognisable by their tendancy to dress alike in tacky clothing and tell really bad jokes."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Mellophone - 1) A fairly large low brass instrument, the sound is said to resemble the French Horn and a dying cow. 2) "Just think of it as a bass trumpet." 3) Also referred to as a Mellollellollophone."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"November Practices - The marching band version of survival of the fittest. "

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

""One more time, I promise." - 1) A frequent saying of the Meads. 2) This saying has been translated to mean "That was awfl and we are going to do it again until you feet turn blue.""

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Piccolo - High pitched, shrill instrument, a memeber of the flute family. When tuned properly the sound produced can be enjoyable, if not tuned properly it is used as a method of torture."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Pit - A group of various instruments, which are unable to follow directions during competitions to stay off the green! "

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Pixy Stixs - A sugar, generally given as a treat to children, but in marching band supposrt the masses. After being banned by the Meads a small underground movement has arisen to supply the band with the banned item."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Polyester - 1) The material of the marching band uniform. 2) Known as 'the material from hell' due to its inability to adapt to temperature changes. 3) Use of this material in hot conditions is potentially fatal."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Saxophone - A reed instrument, this group is famous for always having at least one part of their instrument broken, lost or 'at home'."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Sharp,To be - To have had too many pixy sticks; easily remidied by calling yourself a piccolo player."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Sousaphone - 1) A large, white plastic instrument whose sound resembles a drowning elephant. 2) Often known as the moving trucks of the marching band, this is because of the tendencies for the bell of the instrument to be a home for music, drills, shoes and the occasional small animal."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Trombone - The horizontal guillotine of the marching band."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Trumpet - 1) The highest pitched of the low brass section and the most detested by the majority of the woodwind instruments. 2) This word has become synonymous with egotistical."

- Molly

The Dicitonary of the Marching Band Language

"Button - Something to push when you don't want to hear anymore of Chelseas "stories""

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Couch - The actual peice of furniture; the trunk of my car."

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Dirty - A person, usually a man, but not excluding women, who wants it all the time; Elijah, Dextry, Neil and their King Charlie Parker"

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Grape Juice - The staple of all life."

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Orgy - Having three or more people on the sex couch(an actual couch) with their shoes off."

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Pool - This is can be anything that contains water; most commonly a hot tub or lake, but is not limited; can also refer to a bath tub, a glass of water or a puddle.

Most common uses -
  "Chelsea nearly emptied the pool with her hair." (hot tub)
"I think I'm allergic to your pool." (lake)

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Ramen Noodles - The bane of my existence; also see Easy Mac"

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Ritz Crackers - The cure for everything."

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Spoon - A utensil used for eating or initiating mating rituals with, the latter is usually of the wooden variety."

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"Vroom - An awesome, fast car or crotchrocket; if it goes VROOOM I will check it out"

The Molly Dictionary
I have realized that I make no sense.

"John you have a detachable brain on your hip."

- Samantha Sledge

Because he never stop's talking about his PDA being his brain.

"Man, all this unnatural cavity. (she MEANT to say, "Man all this unnatural gravity"....but I guess her brain connections weren't working correctly)"

- Saffy

walking down a very long steep hill

"Sean has a tasty ass"

- Ben Sherman

Making comments about how hungrey John was

"Static RAM it has this cute little wire... and it flip flops"

- Inez Curto

Hardware class

"Fez: I can't what Delen turns into in season two Ben: She turns into a lot hotter chick"

- Fez

Bab 5

"Never underestimate the power pity"

- Sean

"And I mean heck, Ben, they have a product named after you already: Bengay!"

- Sean

In reference to Ben S.'s homosexuality (and his lack of coming to terms with it)

""I'm in usherette hell!""

- joe

cause theres a line "usherette? hell, we can send her out in the crowd to pickpockets" right before an entrance that didn't happen for about 10 minutes

"I'm Sexually Frustrated! What Are You Doing Tonight!"

- Sex Kitten

Was Sexually Frustrated!

"You Are The Master Of Every Situation. And The Situation Of Every Master."

- Sex Kitten

My Fortune Cookie Read

"DID I SAY GOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

- Alicia

while playing Duck Duck Goose

"It's like a rave for geeks."

- Bob

Geeks Night Out

"Aye laddy, give us a kiss!"

- Bob

"Never be afraid to tell the world who you are."

- Anonymous

Seen on Slashdot

1's & 0's aren't just numbers
They are a language all their own...

- John Hawley

In a late night attempt to come up with a witty phrase for a Computer Science T-Shirt

"Yeah its like freaky asexual tree reproduction..."

- Molly

the amazing reproducing jewish christmas trees


- joe

don't really remember

""Baby I do have a respectable job"
"you work at mcdonald's""

- Springer Guests

girl was leaving guy becaue he didn't have a job

""Seriously, there's the door i think i can hold them off for five minutes"."

- John

Pat's Wedding--one last chance of freedom

""Brad I'm getting married!!"-Jamie
"Why would you do something so stupid"--Brad
"I don't know, just kinda felt like it"--Jamie"

- Jamie and brad

About Jamie getting engaged

""Michael look what I got today!!"--Jamie
"wow that's a ring" "wow that's a diamond ring" "does this mean your engaged?"
"are you gonna get married" "to dave?" "can i be an usher?""

- Michael

he was drunk

""Well I got my passort today"--Pat
"Why are you going somewhere?"--Jamie
"Oh really, anyone I know?"--Jamie
"Nope, her name is Samantha"--Pat
"How come Megan and I haven't heard of her"--Jamie
"Do I need to tell you everyting that goes on in my life :)"--Pat
"Yes, yes you do DUH!"--Jamie"

- Jamie & Patrick

patrick was flying to england

""Can I have your jolly rancher"--Pat
"No, i want it"--Jamie
"But you just said you hate jolly ranchers"--Pat
"Yea but I like torchering you more :)"--Jamie

(Jamie puts jolly rancher in mouth even though she doesn't like it)

- Patrick

AP Government

"Guy pounds on door "Dude, dude that's not the bathroom"--His friend"

- Drunk guy next door

Guy pounding on our adjoining door in myrtle beach (which was locked)

""Are you guys lost"--Jamie's sister
"no we're fine"--the guy
(guy keeps looking around)
"Are you sure"--Jamie's sister
"yea"--the girl
"well i'm just asking because this is our room"--Jamie's sister
the guy and girl continue to walk around the hotel complex"

- stoned guy and girl

Guy and girled stoned standing outside of our hotel room in disney

""I counter your spell"--Dave
"well I counter your counter"--Kyle
"Well I counte your counter that you used to counter mine"--Dave
"Well I counter yours so there"--Kyle
"Well I counter yours so ha ha ha"--Dave
"Um guys you were both out of mana about two turns ago"--Jamie
"Well crap"--Kyle and Dave together"

- Kyle, Dave, Jamie

Magic Game

""What are you doing?--Dad
"Cooking dinner for dave?"--Jamie
"Should I call hazmat now or later?"--Dad"

- Jamie and her dad

Jamie was cooking valentine's day dinner for her boyfriend

""We that's we should do go to K-Mart and get ammunition for a guy, a case of beer, pink lacy panties, some bread, and milk and then when we go through the cashiers line we should say something like yep we're gonna have some fun tonight"--Patrick
"We should add a cat carrier, a dog coller, and a box of condoms"--Jamie

- Jamie and Patrick

What to do for fun

""Hm... I wonder if the galaxy is ticklish?" ::poke, poke::"

- Molly

Watching Contact when whats her bucket starts poking galaxies

"Brian D.: It's a cartoon ass guys.
Adam N.: Yeah. That means it's perfect."

"I have a horrible life it is true,
I will probably have a horrible death as well.
But at least there will be symetry!"

Said During an episode of Babylon 5

"I'm suffering Stephanie withdrawl!"

- Benjamin Sherman

"Being evil means it can be Christmas everyday."

Seen on Sluggy Freelance (http://www.sluggy.com)

"I have a horrible life it is true,
I will probably have a horrible death as well.
But at least there will be symetry!

Said During an episode of Babylon 5

"I want my devil... with EGGS!"

- John Hawley

Talking with Joan Vera about impending doom

"I have internet again!"

- Molly

"It wasn't me! It was my inner monkey!"

- Thermo Man

Thermo Man the TV Show

"Noah: John Did you not get your copy of Visio for blackboards?!"

- Noah A.

At an ACM Meeting - as John is drawing the internet on a blackboard

"Two in the chest,
and one in the head
will always leave
your target dead"

Rainbow 6 quote

"Nate: I'm at the point where I'll trade your mom for wool
Mary: Why do you have an abundance of wood around?"

- Mary A.

During the ACM fall cookoff

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."

- Pres. George W. Bush

Seen from a Dunesbury Commic Strip

"sign of an admin: there are a couple xterms open
sign of a good admin: couple xterms a web browser and IM
sign of an admin you would want running your server: tons of xterms, several web browsers, books, and an IM list with other admins on it, and a nerf gun to shoot the users with

- John H.

Commenting on admins seen overthe years

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." Such simple advice. So, I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished.Today I finished one bottle of red wine, a bottle of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a box of chocolates and a half gallon of rocky road ice-cream. You have no idea how good I feel..."

Seen in an e-mail going around the Internet

"If a cat has kittens in the oven, you can't call them cookies!"

Heard on the "No Spin Zone" done by Bill O'Reilly Fox News

"You know back in my day we didn't have copy digital things we had monks, and we didn't worry about a monk breaking, we just worried about them getting sick and dying"

- Crazy old Professor

In relation to how things that old people used to do things

"Seeing as I'm right and you disagree, you must be wrong."

"Don't worry. By the time we get there, I'll have it figured out."

"I had to shoot him. He wasn't a Team Player(tm)."

"You are now free men. Free to swear fealty to me."

"If you cooperate, we'll change the charges from hit and run murder to littering."

"I did not ask for, did not receive, and will not pay for, Item 21, `Tax', on this invoice."

"Smile. Today is the last day of the rest of your life."

"Suicide or Death; it's your choice!"

"Just to refresh my memory... would you remind me why I'm trying to kill you?"

"Load the bang sticks and pack up the tree shredder! We've got a job to do!"

"Those medals aren't for valor. They're for violence."

"As your leader, let me assure you that none of this was my fault."

"Yes, I _am_ taking full advantage of the misfortune of others. What's your point?"

"You're out of ammo? Congratulations! You're our point man!"

"It looked like we were all going to freeze to death, but then we voted one guy `Most Flammable Refugee'."

"The good news is you're not dead. The bad news is you're still burning."

"Improving the efficiency of our equipment is good. But a Buddy Body Bag is going too far."

"This is more fun than looking for the illusion in the china shop!"

"How was I supposed to know he was unarmed? His back was to me!"

"I'm too busy worrying about what I've done to worry about what I'm doing."

"Relax. This city has been here for a thousand years. How much damage can a few criminals do in only eight hours? Here, have another donut."

"BLAM* *BLAM* Stop! *BLAM* Police! *BLAM* *BLAM*"

"Who says Russian Roulette isn't an acceptable way to rally a broken man?"

"In retrospect, that was a terrible decision. Fortunately, everyone else who knows that is dead now."

"Adjustment fire, 300 meters left... no, no! No, the OTHER left!"

"Well, I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think it mattered.
Okay, I knew it mattered, but I didn't think anyone would notice.
Even if they noticed, I didn't think they would know it was me.
So yes, I did it, but it's not my fault.
All right, it IS my fault, but I'm not responsible.
Well, maybe I am responsible, but I'm not to blame.
Yes, I am to blame, but they made me do it."

"Just because it's my gun doesn't mean I'm the one who fired it.
Okay, I fired it, but I didn't think I'd hit any civilians.
Yes, it did occur to me that I might hit one or two civilians. I never really thought I'd hit ALL of them. "

"But if I had hesitated, I could be the one dead now.
I could be the dead one if he had been aiming at me...
... and if he'd had a gun...
... and if he'd been the enemy...

"It won't do you any good to hide behind the girl. She won't stop a 12-gauge."

"Don't think of it as murder. Think of it as involuntary euthanasia."

"One of these bullets has your name on it, and I'm going to keep firing until I find it."

"I don't think he's going to talk. Let's kill him.
Uh, maybe you should... I dunno... remove the gag first?"

"Don't think of it as dying. Of course, that's what it is, but try not to think about it."

"It's never a good idea to increase your surface area to volume ratio."

"Would you like to donate the blood you have left? It doesn't seem to be doing you any good."

"Now, students, I will demonstrate my new breakthrough in anaesthesia. Nurse, hand me my garotte."

"Hand me my blowtorch! I must sterilize the wound."

"Hand me my crowbar. I must pry out the bullet."

"Hand me my grenade. Pre-Op is getting crowded."

"Hand me my mallet. I must anaesthetize him."

"Hand me my mallet. I must tenderize the area before making the first incision."

"Hand me my mallet. THe swelling will stop the bleeding."

"Hand me my melon baller. This man is full of shrapnel."

"Hand me my soldering iron. I am ready to close."

"Hand me my staple gun. This bandage is loose."

"Hand me the drain cleaner. This man's arteries are blocked."

"He died prematurely and tragically, viz., before paying me."

"In my career, I've learned to live with death. And now, so will you. Except for the `live' part."

"Multiple gunshot wounds. Numerous shell fragments. A deep bayonet wound. Let's call it Natural Causes."

"Relax. If by some miracle you survive this procedure, you'll be fine."

"What are the chances I could lose 49 patients in one day? Let's find out, shall we? NEXT!"

"What do you expect me to do with him? He's got more holes than a golf course."

"Do people really care enough about student demonstrators to put a thin plastic coating over a 13 gram steel core? People do."

(This one isn't meant to be humorous, BTW, except in a dark and sinister way: Nakazono was commenting on so-called "rubber bullets", which are 13-gram steel shot with a thin plastic coating.)

"The steel core is included in our rubber bullets for the sole purpose of making the round visible on X-rays. And no-one even says thank you."

"Today is Election Day, and we urge all citizens to vote NO with the weapon of their choise."

"This is not a coup. Parliament still makes all the decisions. We're just here to make sure they make the right ones."

"If you're in a fight
And the fight is fair
Don't look for me
I won't be there."

"Now that I know
That you can't be trusted
I don't feel bad
'Bout your head that I busted."

"I saw him coming
But he saw me first
And lately I've taken
A turn for the worst."

"I saw him charging
But missed my shot
So now I'll be staying
In a funeral plot."

"Two, four, six, eight! When outgunned, NEGOTIATE!"

"I can just barely make it out, it's in Russian. It reads, `This face towards enemy...'"

"A good sword is the priceless soul of a warrior. It is also 499 silver pieces retail."

"That thing's worse than a food processor! It slices! It dices! It turned Julienne into fries!"

Cost: 1000 MF
Desc: As per regular Death Spell, but also affects target's family, relatives, friends, business associates, acquaintances, and strangers who bear a faint physical resemblence. Especially effective against tight-knit clans, but not as good as the Genocide Spell."

"How was I to know you can't parallel park a sailing ship?"

"They seem to have recycled their plowshares..."

"Well, if Tex has four aces, Ralph has four aces, and I have four aces, I figure that means one of us is cheating."

"All right! I want a clean fight. No hitting below the belt. Begin!
Not quite what I had in mind, but nice shot. Ladies and Gentlemen! We have a new heavyweight champion...!"

"Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered. THink of it as having a very wide shot selection."

"The only surprise in this attack is that they haven't opened fire on us yet."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have believed him when he told you he was out of ammo. He's the ENEMY."

"Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate, and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination."

- Albert Einstein

"Sex might be imperative for survival, but love is imperative for existance."

- Molly

"Fang Yang... That sounds like something you don't want to happen to you. Oh wait... That would be Fang Wang."

- Julie Zambrano

"John you google better than anybody i ever met ;-)"

- Ben Sherman

"Also, I like to swear. My wife doesn’t like it when I do, but what the fuck?"

Prof Lynn’s idea of a warning

The John Lynn quote book

"The Swiss were the paid killers of the late middle ages / early modern era. They only took up chocolate later on."

The John Lynn quote book

"You fight the Swiss, you win or you’re dead… that or you got fast feet."

The John Lynn quote book

"Napoleon was a tactical and operational genius. He was a strategic basketcase, but he was a tactical and operational genius."

The John Lynn quote book

"Look at this guy, grinning like an idiot! Probably died of dysentery a week later."

Prof Lynn on the Crimean War textbook’s cover

The John Lynn quote book

"I’ve only got four minutes to rag on the ‘Southern Superman.’ I can’t finish it in four minutes, but I’ll start."

The John Lynn quote book

"They may not have won the wars, but they had a great time losing ‘em."

on the French “mobile bordellos”

The John Lynn quote book

"I’m going to try to push this stupid-ass button and see if it does anything… and it doesn’t…. oh well."

Having technical difficulties

The John Lynn quote book

"We certainly saved France’s chestnuts in World War Two, no doubt about that."

The John Lynn quote book

"They went to England. That was a bit too democratic. Went to France. That was just freaky! Went to Prussia and that was perfect."

On Japan’s search for a workable political system

The John Lynn quote book

"I am fucking brain dead."

First words

The John Lynn quote book

"Look at that! He always thinks that’s a cool hat, but it just looks like a bird shitting on his head. It would have been better that way."

On Kaiser Wilhelm II’s helmet

The John Lynn quote book

"Those are two sophisticated versions of it. Look the same? It is!"

On French plans for WWI

The John Lynn quote book

"That’s how you defend yourself from poison gas, with a full body rubber suit. Full body condoms, if you will."

The John Lynn quote book

"No it wasn’t. It was stabbed right in the front, and shot many times."

On the German armies of WWI.

The John Lynn quote book

"I should get an award for being here today. I feel like shit and I wish I were in bed."

More first words; On a Monday

The John Lynn quote book

"I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Scream?

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong, to tell you the truth.

That damn fizzing noise? Jesus Christ!! That’s nothing. Bunch of wussies. This is military history for chrissakes, we’re not sensitive! "

Having some trouble with the sound system

The John Lynn quote book

"While they could cross trenches, they didn’t cross all trenches. For example, this one turned itself into an anti-aircraft position."

On the tanks of WWI

The John Lynn quote book

"The tanks with the big guns were called ‘male’ for obvious reasons. The ones with the machine guns were called ‘female’ because they were ‘supportive and nurturing’ type tanks, okay?"

The John Lynn quote book

"Now you have your hard edge in their soft rear, though that sounds obscene."

On the Deep Strategic Penetration theory of mobile warfare

The John Lynn quote book

"The French may be qualitatively great at making love, but quantitatively they fell behind. They just don’t breed much."

On French demographics before WWII

The John Lynn quote book

"Riiiing! And that’s the phone and I have to deal with that. screen clicks I’m BAAACK! Forgot to unplug the phone."

Taping a lecture

The John Lynn quote book

"God must be a Communist, because he took care of the Russians!"

O the Winter of 1941-‘42

The John Lynn quote book

"The Soviet way of doing things was to pile up a mountain of shit, push it over, and see how far it gets."

On Soviet pre-offensive buildups

The John Lynn quote book

"You send 250,000 men into combat and expect to lose less than 100? Maybe if you’re fighting the Girl Scouts. No offense to any Girl Scouts. I really shouldn’t say that. I’m sorry. I know several women who could kick my ass."

The John Lynn quote book

"I’ve always been an embarrassment to this department, and I hope to be an even bigger embarrassment in the future."

The John Lynn quote book

"I found that I’m famous in Canada, which may be like being famous in Milwaukee or the tallest building in Peoria."

The John Lynn quote book

"America hadn’t ever really lost a war, unless you talk about the American South, which I only consider tangentially American, anyway."

The John Lynn quote book

"Well folks, it came out yesterday, and you may now call me, officially, the Big Kahuna!"

The John Lynn quote book

"There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty:
  1. soap
  2. ballot
  3. jury
  4. ammo
Use in that order. Starting now."

Seen on slashdot.org

"I got a tomato up my nose over dinner at Old Chicago"

- Tony

"Where the sky meets the ground, that is our final destination!"

- John H.

"Why is it always me who is responsible for three-somes? WHY!?"

- Sara

It's Sara, does she need a reason?

"Mr. Doe: So John what are you going to do when you graduate?
John H.: Take over the world."

- John H.

"When you don't know where you are, you're lost. When you don't care where you are, you're on an adventure?"

- Bob A.

properly attributed to Ben J.

"You can't spell SLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER"

- Amanda

Random chemistry moment - we have weird teachers

"I have no ill will, I'm just enjoying exercising my wit. I can't use it while teaching. It's stifling."

- Lissa K.

A lone Spanish High School Teacher, arguing over the craziest thing.

"Nate: Does that mean I just pressed your action button? Julie: Yeah, I guess you did."

- Nate Collins

on Julie's bed

"You know, I really wish they would stop changing PHP on me!"

- John H.

On the fact that PHP changes it's specification every 10 minutes forcing him to find bugs and fix them

"Gizmonic knickknackery"

- Bob A.

"Cry "Havoc!" and let loose the hamsters of inconvenience!"

""I like my algorithm.""

- Julie Zambrano

on how she eats all her food one course at a time

"Ben M.: I just don't know if my approach to the limit will be faster than my approach to the speech.
Ben M.: Fact, I'm kinda doubting it, but I shouldn't. God can fix it.
John H.: yeah but his hourly rate is kind of steep
Ben M.: What, you mean a lifetime of servitude, adoration, and devotion, in exchange for a few measly miracles here and there?
Ben M.: How does that count as steep?"

- Ben M. & John H.

Talking about computer programs that just won't work right.

"Don't drink and derive"

- Zach

"Yes thats right it takes TWO women to take care of me!"

- Tony

Said in a very macho voice

"...Is there some glandular reason that prevents a woman from having good perception or what?"

- Elizabeth Bishop


"The coolest thing just happened!"

- Default

A phone conversation between Default and his girlfriend, right after Default witnessed something his girlfriend would NOT approve of.

"SCREW IT! I'm getting BOTH!"

- Jamie

"You know it's cold when... the snot in your nose freezes"

- John H.

Temperature outside was -13F

"Mordor doesn't have cheese, it has salsa"

- John H.

"while(relevant) speak();"

- John H.

Speaking of talking too much

"Draft SUV drivers first, they know how to drive large gas guzzling vehicles"

Seen on a bumper sticker

"There's no set architecture in Linux. All roads lead to madness..."

- William Hilf

MSNBC on Microsoft's new outlook towards Linux

"I trust you as a grocery shopper...I married you didn't I?! =)"

- Steph. S.

"It's Red Vs. Blue in this years presedential election"


About the Presidential Election
Referrence to this might help

"Fear my nipples!!!"

- Mary Bonine

Watching the wonderful movie The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra

"Mary, how can your head and your butt be in different places at the same time?"

- Saraoom fo

When looking in the bathroom for something

"Well THATS not what I did!"

- Ben S.

Working on a rather insane project

"Recursion (n.): "If you already know what recursion is, just remember the answer. Otherwise, find someone who is standing closer to Douglas Hofstadter than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is.""

- Andrew Plotkin

Seen on Bob A's blog, which was seen in the sig line of a friend

"If we keep an open mind, too much is likely to fall into it"

- Natalie C. Barney

Writer Natalie Clifford Barney

"Blessed be those who initiate lively discussions with the hopelessly mute, for they shall be know as Dentists."

"What do they think I'm doing? Plotting a full scale invasion of Canada from my dorm room?"

- Molly

because they're taking away my combat equipment

"You aren't wearing shorts to eat!"

- John (HaHa! Revenge)


"I didn't get no Wookie?!"

- Molly R. (II)

While trying to piece together the "leaked" photos of the upcoming Star Wars movie

""It's like in a Disney movie when all the cute woodland creatures flock to the heroine.... except I just draw nerds.""

- Molly

It's true

"John: we should take over the universe
Meredith: Ok, but if we get caught, it was your idea."

- John and Meredith

trying to figure out what to do on a dull Saturday night

"A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint. Bartender asks him "What's wrong?" Byte says "Parity error." Bartender nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off.""

seen on bash.org

"If we weren't meant to eat animals...
   ... why are they made out of MEAT?!"

Unkown attributeship

""Yeah, it's a name you can trust... like Disney.... or Satan.""

- Molly

We were talking about something, originally comparing it to the difference between prisamacolor colored pencils and crayola, when andy says "I like crayola, it's a name you can trust" and I say

"do you know what a juiced smurf is


- Ryan F.

staring at my blue cream soda at racoon river

"Aliance 1, Brown Coats 0 - Half Time"

- Rob M.

(in reference to Firefly / Serenity)

"May the light always find you on a dreary day. When you need to be home, may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance, And never find frogs in your underpants."

- My Mom

"yeah.... even the sea has monkeys...."

- Molly

There was a conversation going on around me about where you can find monkey's in this world... and I say (incredibly sleep deprived)

"Don Jones has certain 'tastes'"

- Tristan T.

"Tristan: My laptop is SLOOOOOOOW
Rob H.: By slow he means it's powered by two gerbils on amphetamines."

- Rob H.

In the middle of a presentation concerning online voting software for the UISG elections

"It would be the will of Rob"

- John Hawley

Talking about an old hard drive of Rob and how it needed to be wiped of data

"warthog9: Is there anything on that drive you need to keep?
maradydd: Nope. Rob bought it about a year ago and he ended up not needing it, so I bought it off him, and if there's anything on it at all, it'd be his.
warthog9: And we'd want to blow that away anyway, because that would be in accordance with the will of Rob."

- John Hawley

"I WROTE colorfs I KNOW how it works!"


OLS 2006 @ the AutoFS talk

"Us (Bro, Enich, Me): What you doing?
Them: Watching porn in the window there!
Us: what?
::we look, they were right::"

- Street Entertainers

Gencon - outside of the convention center, looking at the 5th or 6th floor, middle of the Omni Severin's window facing the plaza

"Jesus respawns!"

- John Hawley

Watching 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter'

"Suzi: So in church we learned to rip paper really quietly...

- Suzi Anvin & Erikka

It was a Bad Movie Night Thing

"Barack Obama carries a picture of you in his wallet "


"Barack Obama built you a robot"


"Barack Obama folded your laundry"


"Barack Obama emailed your dad and told him how great you are"


"Barack Obama spent the afternoon setting up your router"


"warthog9 is Batman"

http://warthog9.isyournewbicycle.com/ (Terri found it - Blame her)

"ostraya doesn't know what Web 2.0 means"

http://ostraya.isyournewbicycle.com/ (getting back at Terri)

"ostraya Googles your name"


"ostraya taunts Happy Fun Ball"


"warthog9 downgrades from Vista to XP"


"warthog9 for one, welcomes our new robotic overlords"


"ostraya pwns you"


"hmm. still it seems like saying Wiki needs to be patched to support IE8 is akin to saying that the government needs to redesign the roads to support your rocket-powered unicycle, and defective roads are clearly the reason why you fell off said unicycle on the freeway... :)"

- Scott S. (3L)

argument over brokenness in IE8 and our wiki

"A Gag order is more of an order to shut up, not a 'We won' order"

- Kevin M.

Talking about Military legaleze

"Love might be blind - but cupid is a sniper"

"insert slot a into tab b She then turned, hugged her husband and kissed him"

- Kathleen D.

"That is totally not scottish"


"My wife is a poo flinger!"


Suzi was flinging the rabbit poo back at their new bunny

"You Hack Like Punk Bitch!"

- Marty D. C.

Talk at Linux World Expo

"I love the smell of computers booting in the morning!"

- Marty D. C.

"Would you like to mount my very large padded hard drive?"

Overheard at Linux World Expo

"John: You [Fedora] now you more space on mirrors than opensuse, debian and ubuntu combined!

Fedora representative in the audience: WE WIN!"

Ottawa Linux Symposium during the 'State of the Kernel.org Address'

"When two men, two women and a lawn gnome love each other very much...."

- Rob M.

Ottawa Linux Symposium

"Whatever! Mega! Super! Loser!"

- Chris L.

Ottawa Linux Symposium

"The regulations change so often because if we can't figure the rules out how are the terrorists supposed to figure them out?"

Transportation Security Administration Security personnel at the Airport

In going through security heading to my flight, a lul in the line happened and we started chatting

"Antiques - some used"

Seen on the road coming back from Crater Lake

"Wines are like people, they get more complex and mellow as they get older until they get to a point and die"

- John Hawley

"The Boom stick is out of boom!"

- John Hawley

"It's the edge of the world! We are at the edge of the world! We are at the edge of the world!"

Small child in an airplane looking out over the scene as we were in a holding pattern for ORD

"Oh my god that lens is sexy!"

- Katie M.

In relation to Brian D.'s new Pentax 18-200mm lens

"This really isn't what I would have worn to shut the door on dumping bunnies"

December 31st, 2007 at 11:27pm

"Ladies and gentleman we are going to be delayed this evening because, as those of you with window seats can see, there is a little frost on the wings and it's against federal law to take off with frost on the wings. A de-icer is on the way - but we aren't sure when it will be here.

There's only one in the airport, and we are fairly sure there's only one guy who knows how to use it..."

San Jose, CA airport at 9:45pm at night - things you wouldn't expect to hear

"I'd cry but my tear ducts are french fryed"

Said during King Lear with Patrick Stewart in Texas, after the eye gouging king of Texas.

"Bishop = Pants"

- Erikka

"The root, the root, the root is on fire!"

- John Hawley

"There are two ways to argue with a woman

neither work"

Seen at Dickens Fair

"I'm a DBDG in an FLNI world!"

- John Hawley

See 'Sector General' books for reference

"Ajax is cleaner"

- Suzi

" "

"We are quibbling over grammar when the train has left the station"

- Rob H.

"Noah: Just like there are beaches that are clothing optional

John: So do you frequent these bitches often?"

"I'm lost

I've gone to look for myself. If I return before I get back, please ask me to wait."

Seen on a note

"My ass is not a cryptographic device"

- Brian W.

"There should be or marking around all the quotes that I make with alcohol in my hand"

- Sarah

New Years Eve Party

"Kim has good thoughts... They just don't stay long"

- Sarah

New Years Eve Party

"Must remove pants without waking dog"

- Ben M.

While dog is sleeping in bed w/ Ben

"Sean L.: So what do pirates from Boston say?

Ben M.: Bostonian pirates go AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!"

"Bob: Ahhh isn't that cute, kids playing hide and seek at night

Rob: But hide and seek at night is so much more fun when your using tracer rounds"

"I'm not doing any more backends!"

- Tim (Iowa I.)

"I don't think it's Porn!"

- Ben Moehlman

"Joe: Why am I not on the quote board! What about what I said the other day, to the one guy at the one place?

Ben M.: Yeah I was there, that wasn't quote worthy"

"If you can't do it analytically it's not worth doing"

- Ben M.

"Bard eye for the adventuring guys!"

- Ben

At a D&D game dealing with the fop that gets us access to the Queen.

"Beauty is fleeting, dumb is forever."

- My Mom